Do I look like a threat to society? Seriously, you should tell me. I think I should know if I do.
I had a clean driving record when I moved down here. Never pulled over once. Now I'm up to 6, maybe 7 times of being pulled over.
Let me recount my experiences and you can decide for yourself.
Number 1: Guilty, court date.
Driving innocently along the road in Lebanon. Ok...I had expired tags and no registration or insurance...I was a ticking time bomb, and I knew it. I actually kind of chuckled when I saw the blue lights and thought 'surprised it took this long.' In my defense, I bought the car from a friend and she had lost the registration, and I needed wheels till she found it.
Number 2: Innocent
How are people supposed to know they have a tail light out without getting pulled over? Hope a friend drives behind them?
Number 3: Guilty, accidentally.
11 pm on a Friday night. Car full of sisters and friends and I'm lost on backroads trying to get home. Pre-Google Maps and GPS.
Then, I see a HUGE car wreck up ahead. Naturally, I pull into the nearest driveway, turn around, and head back the other way. To stay out of their way, you know. I'm trying to help!
2 cop cars chase me down. It was kind of exciting. Like something you see on TV. I'm in a car chase! Annnddd then they inform me I evaded a sobriety check point. They had to explain what that was. We don't have those in Michigan! Or I'm just really, really innocent.
They laughed at me. The cops laughed at me. Then they made me turn around, and drive back through the check point so they could laugh at me again.
Number 4: Definitely guilty
Going 80 on a highway in Indiana, trying to get back home. But let me explain the week I'd had.
My mom had fairly serious emergency surgery early in the week. My uncle died the end of the week. All during the busiest time of my year at work. I got a speeding ticket driving home from a funeral. That's just mean. I didn't even care when I saw his lights. I pulled over, stuck my hand out the window, and took the ticket. And then I laughed and shook my head.
Number 5: Innocent
Pulled over driving home from Josh's for a burned out headlight. Ten minutes earlier, Josh realized it was out and promised to change it the next day.
Number 6: Guilty...I think?
Did you know if you wear your seat belt tucked under your arm, you can get cut in half during an accident. Pretty picture the cop painted for me.
Verdict: I think I'm overall guilty. I wrote this, and convicted myself. Didn't see that coming.
Where were the cops when I hit two deer, totaled my car, forgot my cell phone, and walked in the dark to a stranger's home?
Friday, June 4, 2010
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Dear Husband
Dear Husband,
There are a few things I probably should have told you before we got married.
-I'm going to keep all the wedding magazines I collected during our engagement. And I'll still pull them out from time to time.
-I have a cupboard full of mixing bowls, and I need to keep every single one of them.
-I also need to keep the kitchen gadgets that I can't remember the names of, and can't remember what their uses are.
-I have great ideas about what the kitchen should look like. Oh, I forgot. You actually already learned that when we registered for wedding gifts.
-When we're shopping and my purse is in the cart, you are not allowed to leave it unattended for any reason.
-When we travel, I'm going to take my hair dryer, curling iron, straightener, mousse, hairspray, AND 2 shampoos.
-Then I'll take 20 minutes to do my hair, and end up putting it in a ponytail.
-I'm also going to take a bag full of drinks and snacks. And we'll have to stop every hour to use the bathroom.
-Then weI'll probably need to stop for snacks when the ones I brought don't look interesting.
-OH! And the night before we leave for our honeymoon, I'm going to realize we need an oil change AND my drivers license is expired.
-If a bug flies down my shirt, I'm going to scream and jump around. I might even drop the bag of groceries I'm carrying and break everything inside.
-I might wash our towels with a rug and die them all brown. And I there's a good chance I'll keep burning everything I cook.
-My car will often be a mess. I might have to clear a spot for you when you ride with me.
-I'm going to drive you absolutely crazy, but I'm too cute for you to get mad at.
Here's to another list in 3 more months!
Love,
Your Wife
There are a few things I probably should have told you before we got married.
-I'm going to keep all the wedding magazines I collected during our engagement. And I'll still pull them out from time to time.
-I have a cupboard full of mixing bowls, and I need to keep every single one of them.
-I also need to keep the kitchen gadgets that I can't remember the names of, and can't remember what their uses are.
-I have great ideas about what the kitchen should look like. Oh, I forgot. You actually already learned that when we registered for wedding gifts.
-When we're shopping and my purse is in the cart, you are not allowed to leave it unattended for any reason.
-When we travel, I'm going to take my hair dryer, curling iron, straightener, mousse, hairspray, AND 2 shampoos.
-Then I'll take 20 minutes to do my hair, and end up putting it in a ponytail.
-I'm also going to take a bag full of drinks and snacks. And we'll have to stop every hour to use the bathroom.
-Then weI'll probably need to stop for snacks when the ones I brought don't look interesting.
-OH! And the night before we leave for our honeymoon, I'm going to realize we need an oil change AND my drivers license is expired.
-If a bug flies down my shirt, I'm going to scream and jump around. I might even drop the bag of groceries I'm carrying and break everything inside.
-I might wash our towels with a rug and die them all brown. And I there's a good chance I'll keep burning everything I cook.
-My car will often be a mess. I might have to clear a spot for you when you ride with me.
-I'm going to drive you absolutely crazy, but I'm too cute for you to get mad at.
Here's to another list in 3 more months!
Love,
Your Wife
Monday, May 31, 2010
Hello, Mr. President
Josh and I met the President.
Ok, the former President Carter. We weren't allowed to tell him where we were from, or speak to him. Or shake his hand, unless he initiated first, but we did get a picture. And Mrs. Carter put her arm around around me. I think she liked me.
We decided to make the trek to Plains, GA where President Carter teaches Sunday School at Maranatha Baptist Church. It's a tiny little church. The bulletin listed attendance like this: Members-26, Guests - 228.
We pulled into the church.
Me: Oh! Look, they have someone to greet us in the parking lot.
Josh: Uh, that's the secret service with a bomb sniffing dog.
Me: Oh.
First experience with secret service. Hopefully, not my last.
But in case you are worried we were bored in little ole Plains, have no fear. The small town had lots to keep us busy.
We got to our Super 8 hotel to check in and asked for a recommendation of a local place to eat dinner. Our conversation went like this:
Me: What's a good local place to eat?
Receptionist: Oh, the Ruby Tuesday's is great!
Me: Oh, well...we were looking for more of a local, hometown place.
Receptionist: I said Ruby Tuesday's! Everyone goes there.
(Josh steps in)
Josh: Well, we mean more like something we couldn't get anywhere else. Something we could only get here in Plains.
Receptionist: Oh. Well. I don't know what you mean. Do you have La Hacienda? That's real good. Or! I know! You can go to Forsyth! But it'll set you back about $200 for the two of you.
Ash: Uh, ok, thanks. We'll find something.
Before dinner we decided to stop at the Suds Bucket laundromat to do our laundry because of water rationing in Nashville due to the flood.
We made a friend. I don't know her name, but I like to think of her as the Laundry Nazi. I'll admit, at first I was afraid of her when I saw her yell at some poor guy who used too much soap and created a sudsy mess in 'her' washer. But she took a quick liking to us foreigners and came over to chat.
You know, sometimes it's hard to start a conversation with a complete stranger, but she really had a gift for easing into small talk. I believe her first words to us were 'You know, OJ Simpson isn't guilty.' What do you say to that? It's OK, I didn't have to respond. As soon as I looked at her in acknowledgement, she launched into her account of the case and all the evidence that was purely circumstantial.
From there, she segued to her son who died in 1985 because he was 2 and needed a liver transplant. And did you know that in Europe they cut livers in half so two people can use one liver? They don't do that in the US though. Josh is checking into this whole liver theory. I'll keep you posted. I felt really bad for her.
Until she went into her story about meeting Martin Luther King JR and being a part of the Civil Rights Movement, and being locked up for 3 weeks, with no food or bathroom. Then she remembered it was actually 45 days. And she was only 12 when it happened. And she's actually honored in a museum in Birmingham, and have we been there? Yes, I tell her, actually I have. Then she asks when i was there and says she was inducted after that, so of course I wouldn't have seen it.
Oh, and she also survived a flood like the Nashville flood we had just survived, AND a horrible tornado. We're good friends; me and the Laundry Nazi. She's praying for me. She told me she would when I left.
By the time we were done folding and listening, it was 9 pm.
We went to Ruby Tuesday's for dinner.
Ok, the former President Carter. We weren't allowed to tell him where we were from, or speak to him. Or shake his hand, unless he initiated first, but we did get a picture. And Mrs. Carter put her arm around around me. I think she liked me.
We decided to make the trek to Plains, GA where President Carter teaches Sunday School at Maranatha Baptist Church. It's a tiny little church. The bulletin listed attendance like this: Members-26, Guests - 228.
We pulled into the church.
Me: Oh! Look, they have someone to greet us in the parking lot.
Josh: Uh, that's the secret service with a bomb sniffing dog.
Me: Oh.
First experience with secret service. Hopefully, not my last.
But in case you are worried we were bored in little ole Plains, have no fear. The small town had lots to keep us busy.
We got to our Super 8 hotel to check in and asked for a recommendation of a local place to eat dinner. Our conversation went like this:
Me: What's a good local place to eat?
Receptionist: Oh, the Ruby Tuesday's is great!
Me: Oh, well...we were looking for more of a local, hometown place.
Receptionist: I said Ruby Tuesday's! Everyone goes there.
(Josh steps in)
Josh: Well, we mean more like something we couldn't get anywhere else. Something we could only get here in Plains.
Receptionist: Oh. Well. I don't know what you mean. Do you have La Hacienda? That's real good. Or! I know! You can go to Forsyth! But it'll set you back about $200 for the two of you.
Ash: Uh, ok, thanks. We'll find something.
Before dinner we decided to stop at the Suds Bucket laundromat to do our laundry because of water rationing in Nashville due to the flood.
We made a friend. I don't know her name, but I like to think of her as the Laundry Nazi. I'll admit, at first I was afraid of her when I saw her yell at some poor guy who used too much soap and created a sudsy mess in 'her' washer. But she took a quick liking to us foreigners and came over to chat.
You know, sometimes it's hard to start a conversation with a complete stranger, but she really had a gift for easing into small talk. I believe her first words to us were 'You know, OJ Simpson isn't guilty.' What do you say to that? It's OK, I didn't have to respond. As soon as I looked at her in acknowledgement, she launched into her account of the case and all the evidence that was purely circumstantial.
From there, she segued to her son who died in 1985 because he was 2 and needed a liver transplant. And did you know that in Europe they cut livers in half so two people can use one liver? They don't do that in the US though. Josh is checking into this whole liver theory. I'll keep you posted. I felt really bad for her.
Until she went into her story about meeting Martin Luther King JR and being a part of the Civil Rights Movement, and being locked up for 3 weeks, with no food or bathroom. Then she remembered it was actually 45 days. And she was only 12 when it happened. And she's actually honored in a museum in Birmingham, and have we been there? Yes, I tell her, actually I have. Then she asks when i was there and says she was inducted after that, so of course I wouldn't have seen it.
Oh, and she also survived a flood like the Nashville flood we had just survived, AND a horrible tornado. We're good friends; me and the Laundry Nazi. She's praying for me. She told me she would when I left.
By the time we were done folding and listening, it was 9 pm.
We went to Ruby Tuesday's for dinner.
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