Saturday, August 14, 2010

I Made a Cake

I used a Groupon and went to Sweet Wise to learn how to work magic with fondant.

A story in pictures:

You must start with a large clean area. And a tall stool. That is crucial:

You must also have surgical gloves and dye:

Then you grab a ball of putty and make it yellow:

When it's good and taffy-like, roll it out:

Next, take a nice picture that will show-off your freshly manicured hand and ring:

After that, you make little yellow thingys. Set them aside to dry:

Then you grab more putty stuff and make it into a purple blob:

Massage it; work it out. Roll it, but not too thin or thick:

Next, line up with your classmates to get a frozen cake:

Now this next part gets tricky. It apparently makes people cry. Frost the cake. If you start to cry, step away:

Carefully lay the fondant on the cake:

Make it look like an octopus:

Cut off the extra:

Add the dried yellow thingys. Hey, they make a bow!:

Add some curlie Q's (for effect):

Pack it up, and say goodbye to your friends:

I am now a certified 'fondant put-er on-er person.' Call me.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Eye Doctor Drama

I went to an optometrist to have my eyes checked out after being told I have a freckle on my eyeball. Yes, a freckle.

I'm fine, but I always get a chuckle out of doctor's offices. It's something about how vulnerable and exposed you become when you're locked in a room, at the mercy of nurses and doctors. I've never actually tried to open the door, but I'm SURE they lock them.

I walked into the office 20 minutes late because of traffic. I may have left the house late and run into a normal amount of traffic, but if the roads were empty, I definitely could have gotten there faster.

The nurse came to get me, calling out: 'Ms. Shambless? Shambless!' In my pre-marriage naivety, I thought the mispronunciations of my name were over. We then played a game called: 'I'm going to ask you questions about your paperwork, and then interrupt you before you can give me full answers.' She won.

Next, she looked at my eyes, had me read a few letters on the wall. Then said 'oh wait, maybe I didn't need to do that,' and walked out.

Another lady came in. She put torture drops in my eyes. Felt like pepper spray, and dripped yellow goop down my face. I told her it burned, and she said, 'oh yeah, those hurt.' A little warning next time!? THEN, they poked my eyes! She mumbled something about testing eye pressure, and POKED ME IN THE EYE! Apparently I was tense, and she told me to relax.

Next came the eye dilating. More eye drops, and the world went fuzzy. To read my blackberry, I had to hold it 2 feet away, close one eye, squint the other, and cock my head. Took me awhile to figure that combination out. On to the waiting room. Choices for entertainment: TV, or magazines. I chose squinting/head cocking at the TV. I think I saw someone I know on the Today Show.

Then back to the exam room. As I waited, I quietly sang the song 'Hungry Eyes' and turned the lights down. Hope the doc didn't get the wrong idea.

Josh came home to me lying on the couch with my glasses and sunglasses on. I tried to email my boss to tell him I wasn't coming in, but I couldn't see. Hope he got the message.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Garage Sale Finds

I went to the World's Longest Yard Sale this past weekend with my family, and had a grand ole time.

My finds:

Telephone Table (I want to redo this somehow...)
Marked $15.00, paid $10.00

Vintage Suitcase
Marked $1.00, paid $.50

Vintage Mirror
Marked $22.00, paid $15.00 (more than I wanted to pay, but I've been looking for a mirror like this for a long time.)

Bird Statue
$2.00 (I'm going to paint this to match our livingroom.)

And my favorite picture of the day:

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Summer of '98

A few months ago, Josh discovered the way to my heart is by taking me to see famous guys I have a crush on. It started with Anderson Cooper back in May (he had never seen me that excited! I'm getting flushed talking about...) and continued this week.

Let's go back in time:

It's the summer of 97, and 'Mmmbop' is creating a stir. Three long haired, squeaky teen brothers singing something no one else could pronounce. I didn't like them cause they had long hair, and that's just silly. But by the summer of '98 this was my bedroom:

I wasted A LOT of time defending their long hair; and hanging up posters. I had a lone friend that liked them, Carrieann.

I was convinced I was going to marry Taylor Hanson. I believe an excerpt from my 7th grade journal reads:

'I am in love with Taylor Hanson. I know we're meant to be together. I just know it.'

The best day of my 13 year old life was seeing them in Detroit. I spent every moment babysitting that summer, and had $200 to spend on merch. (Who does that?!) Came home with a life size poster. Taylor looked right at me that night and smiled. Didn't he? Yes, I'm sure of it.

I can still draw the Hanson logo if needed.

Back to present day:
The moment they walked on stage I may have had to take my sweater off. They look exactly the same, except taller, with short hair. Still squeaky. I'm sure Taylor remembers me. I could be that fan that says, 'Remember when I waved to you from stage 12 years ago and we had a 'moment'? That was special, huh?'

The rest of the night was a blur of fried pickles, and watching a touchy-feely boyfriend whisper sweet Hanson nothings into his girlfriend's ear.

Josh couldn't whisper sweet nothings in my ear because he had his ear plugs in. We prefer to text when we can't talk in normal voices.

Oh, and I think I saw Nick Jonas slow dancing with a drunk girl. Can't be sure.

Conversation on the way home:

Me: Wow, that was great. Brings back so many memories from when I saw them back in 1998.

Josh: What?! You've seen them before?? I thought I was fulfilling a dream!!

Oops. ;)

Monday, August 2, 2010

Torture Diet

Josh and I started doing the South Beach Diet last week. I've done this several times in the past, and typically eat a low carb diet due to my blood sugar anyway, so this was not a big change for me. Josh, however, can't believe that someone who loves him would torture him in such a way. (For the record, this diet was actually his idea.)

Day 1 (Pumped Up Day)
Not that bad. We had steak for dinner. This was also the day Josh discovered sugar free pudding. A true gem. It's not rare for me to see him dejectedly looking in the fridge, sigh, and then pull out 3 pudding cups.

Day 2 (Crushing Hope Day)
This was a sad day. We went to Kroger to load up on veggies and Josh ran off to look at pastries while I shopped. I thought he was just torturing himself, but he came walking down my aisle with a huge smile on his face, carrying a sugar free apple pie.

He thought he beat the system.

It crushed me to break it to him that we could not have it because of the carbs. He commented that he would not survive if he were stranded on a desert island. We bought 5 packs of sugar free pudding. That's 30 pudding cups, for those of you counting at home.

Day 3 (Breaking the Spirit Day)
I started hearing the word(s?) 'al dente' a lot. Apparently Josh likes all of his vegetables this way. I'm not positive he knows what it means (heck, I don't even know what it means), but I Googled some recipes. This was also the day of the 'begging for Cheerios' incident. I don't want to talk about it.

Day 4 (Rock Bottom Day)
This day involved a lot of sleep. Josh said the only time he wasn't frustrated or hungry was when he was sleeping. I believe I heard the phrase 'life's not worth living' at one point.

Josh admitted he was convinced I made this diet up and started Googling. Much to his chagrin, the diet was real and the website was NOT a good source for coming up with fun new foods to eat. He was looking for some sort of 'hidden gem' in this diet madness. He commented that you can eat anything you want, except for what you want.

I commented that he gets mad at me a lot. He told me he just gets mad and I happen to be around a lot. Luckily, I do not take it personally.

Day 5 (Desperation Day)
We were pulling into the driveway after dinner with the family, (which consisted of us bringing our own broccoli while everyone else ate mashed potatoes and glorious carbs), when I mentioned that he could eat pepperoni. He slammed on the brakes, threw the car in reverse, and off to the store we went. He ate a pack on the way home. Apparently he liked that idea.

Other things I have seen/heard this week:
-Josh order a Diet Coke.
-Josh eating salsa and peanut butter with a spoon.
-'The only emotion I feel is hunger.'
-'Write that down for your blog.'
-'I can't quit cause my failure will be on your blog.'
-'I want to burn the South Beach website.'

We're now on Day 8 and have turned a corner.

We even have weight loss charts on the wall in our bedroom.

Current weight loss:

Josh= 6 lbs
Ashley= 0 lbs