Eye Doctor Drama

I went to an optometrist to have my eyes checked out after being told I have a freckle on my eyeball. Yes, a freckle.

I'm fine, but I always get a chuckle out of doctor's offices. It's something about how vulnerable and exposed you become when you're locked in a room, at the mercy of nurses and doctors. I've never actually tried to open the door, but I'm SURE they lock them.

I walked into the office 20 minutes late because of traffic. I may have left the house late and run into a normal amount of traffic, but if the roads were empty, I definitely could have gotten there faster.

The nurse came to get me, calling out: 'Ms. Shambless? Shambless!' In my pre-marriage naivety, I thought the mispronunciations of my name were over. We then played a game called: 'I'm going to ask you questions about your paperwork, and then interrupt you before you can give me full answers.' She won.

Next, she looked at my eyes, had me read a few letters on the wall. Then said 'oh wait, maybe I didn't need to do that,' and walked out.

Another lady came in. She put torture drops in my eyes. Felt like pepper spray, and dripped yellow goop down my face. I told her it burned, and she said, 'oh yeah, those hurt.' A little warning next time!? THEN, they poked my eyes! She mumbled something about testing eye pressure, and POKED ME IN THE EYE! Apparently I was tense, and she told me to relax.

Next came the eye dilating. More eye drops, and the world went fuzzy. To read my blackberry, I had to hold it 2 feet away, close one eye, squint the other, and cock my head. Took me awhile to figure that combination out. On to the waiting room. Choices for entertainment: TV, or magazines. I chose squinting/head cocking at the TV. I think I saw someone I know on the Today Show.

Then back to the exam room. As I waited, I quietly sang the song 'Hungry Eyes' and turned the lights down. Hope the doc didn't get the wrong idea.

Josh came home to me lying on the couch with my glasses and sunglasses on. I tried to email my boss to tell him I wasn't coming in, but I couldn't see. Hope he got the message.