It Hurts To Be Beautiful

Have you heard of eyebrow threading?

You can have it done at a booth at the mall. You’d think I would learn after the massages, but I like to try new things.

They lay you down in the chair, comb your eyebrows, and then somehow tie tiny threads around each eyebrow hair and slowly tear them out of your face. It’s awesome.

I don’t remember it being very bad the first time. Maybe I was too stressed about the wedding to really feel the pain. I left with a smooth face, albeit flaming red.

So I went back this week. Since the last time, they’ve moved out of the kiosk and into a storefront. Business must be good, but I’m going to start warning people. People need to know.

The foot massage people next door were a little jealous I chose eyebrows over them. I heard them mumbling at me under their breath as I walked by, but the eyebrow ladies beckoned me in.

Then they sent me back across the mall to the ATM for cash.

Then they beckoned me back in again.

They sat me down in the torture chair and laid me back. I don’t know what was different this time, but tears poured down my face as she slowly pulled my eyebrows out one hair at a time.

I jumped a few times, but she held me down and continued. I’m not one for making a scene. I like to act tough, but I did yell ‘ouch!’ once and told her it didn’t hurt this bad last time. She kept going, unphased, and told me I shouldn’t have waited this long to come back. Is this supposed to motivate me to come back more?!

Then she told me I had a pimple. I asked her what she’d like me to do about it. She didn’t answer. Just kept pulling and handing me tissues.

She upped the anti and made me participate in the torture. I had to use both hands to hold my eye shut and pull my eyebrow up so she could get a better grip. I paid for this. I PAID FOR THIS!

Imagine pulling nose hairs out one by one. Slowly. It’s the closest thing I can think of. At least with waxing eyebrows, it’s one yank, a scream, and you’re done.

My face radiated heat for an hour after. Half way through I vowed never to go again. I’d rather have a unibrow.

Google it. Look up ‘slow and painful torture.’